Artemis Fowl: The Christmas Incident
by Fan of Fan Fic
Summary: This story is about what happens to Artemis Fowl's christmas when the Faeries show up searching for escaped goblins. (You'll have to read it to find out more.) Please send in reviews too. Once I get around 9 or 10 reviews, I'll add the 3rd chapter.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: None of the characters in this story (except for the puppy) are mine. They all belong to Eoin Colfer.

_Artemis Fowl and the Puppy Incident _

_By Tesmarana Strommer _

Chapter one: Old friends, re-remembered

Artemis Fowl grimaced as he opened the box. It was Christmas, one of his least favorite times of the year. And this year was the worst. Since Artemis's father had returned, he had been acting strangely. The Fowls were known for being Criminals, and had been so for generations, but Artemis senior had taken a strange turn after being in the arctic for some time. He had returned as a friendly smiling man who took Artemis on walks to simply look at the blue sky and smile at the birds. This was not the father that Artemis knew, and he was not about to give in the way his father had. But Christmas had been dislikable before, because usually the Fowls went on some ridiculous vacation to somewhere humid and sandy. This year however, Artemis's parents had opted for staying home, and having a Christmas with lots of gifts and food, as well as (Artemis shuddered) holiday music. All in all the worst thing that had happened so far was giving his father a brand new, best of the best Laptop. His father had frowned upon opening it and had said "I suppose this is for work isn't it Arty?" When Artemis had nodded and explained how much the family fortune needed rebuilding, his father had simply given him a big hug and said "Oh Arty, we don't need money. We have everything we need right here, but thank you for the gift, I'll be sure to use it."

Artemis had thought that the laptop had been the down point of their Christmas, but now there was something worse.

"What is the meaning of this?" Asked Artemis, trying his best to not sound very annoyed. He looked up to see his parents beaming.

"It's..." Said his Father, barely able to contain his enthusiasm, "A Puppy!"

Artemis frowned. "I know WHAT it is father, I meant, why do I HAVE a puppy. Is it a show dog? Father, you know that dog breeding is one of the worst investments we could make. Perhaps we should consider a different route-" But he stopped when he saw the frown appear on his father's own face.

"I thought...I thought that you'd like a puppy Artemis. Isn't he adorable?...but I mean, you're right. Perhaps I should have consulted you first before...investing in a dog. Don't worry. I'll take it back right now." His father reached for the squirming bundle of fur but Artemis took the dog before his father could barely touch it.

"No Father, wait. Now that I've spent some time with the puppy...I do like it. Perhaps I will keep him. After all, how much trouble can he be?"

His Father's frown turned into a smile. "I knew you'd like it Artemis. I just knew it. Do you have a name for him yet? Angeline, oh, isn't this wonderful. We're just like a normal family now." His parents hugged one another and then motioned for Artemis to join in. He got up reluctantly and walked to his mother's side.

"Bring the puppy." Said his mother. Artemis picked up the fur ball using his thumbs and middle fingers only, while holding the dog at arms length so that it wouldn't get him dirty.

"Butler, take a picture." Said Artemis's Father. "Smile everyone. This is a memory that will last a lifetime."

Artemis smiled and went to collect the presents he had received. A home made set of blocks from his father (all of the blocks in odd shapes due to the fact that Artemis senior was no craftsman), a pair of hand knitted socks from his mother (which were actually quite good considering that she had never knitted before) and a brand new Armani suit along with an I Pod and cell phone from Artemis himself (who was now his closest friend.)

"Ok now, you cute lil' kid. Get to bed so Santa can come and leave you more wonderful gifts."

"Yes father. Good night." Artemis left feeling that this had been the worst Christmas ever. When he got to his room, he changed and immediately went to bed. He would get up again once his Parents had done their usual check up to make sure that he was sound asleep, and went to bed themselves. Lately he'd taken to keeping his old (and rather low tech) Laptop under his bed. His parents had recently gotten rid of nearly every computer in the house so that they could get a chance to be more connected, leaving Artemis to struggle with finding more information about the Faerie people. He had taken a keen interest to them ever since he'd awoken one day from a strange dream. The dream was not memorable, but it must have had something to do with Faeries because that had been what had gotten him inspired in the first place. He also had the strange feeling that he knew something more about it, but couldn't quite-. The door creaked open and Artemis could hear footsteps come into his bedroom. His Father no doubt. Artemis lay perfectly still waiting for the footsteps to retreat and then felt something poke him.

He jumped and whipped around. The room was almost completely dark, but he could just make out the small figure of a person standing by his bed.

"Hey, you awake yet?" Came an oddly familiar voice.

"Who are you and what are you doing in my bedroom!?!" Demanded Artemis frozen still. The light turned on, Artemis shielded his eyes which had grown accustom to the dark. When he removed his arm he saw that the little figure was doing the same thing.

"Hate light..." he mumbled "So Artemis, how are you?" Artemis did not answer. In truth, he was at this moment paging Butler. He also reached for the vase that had been sitting on a stand by his bed, a rather undignified thing for an evil criminal mastermind to do, but it seemed his only option.

"Whoa-" cried the figure. "Yeah, well I guess you don't remember me, but take this..." He said holding out a little golden disc. "I'll leave now...but this thing...trust me, you'll want to see what's on it. Bye Mud boy." He said and then disappeared. Artemis sat in silence for some time before Butler arrived.

"Artemis? What's going on? Why did you page me?"

"Butler...I think we should check this out. Could you please make sure that my parents don't barge in on us while I work? Something...odd just happened."

"Wha-? Ok, fine Artemis, what else do you want me to do?"

"Check the surveillance cameras in the yard, See if they've picked up anything unusual."

Butler left Artemis to his work and checked on his Parents who were busily arranging gifts all over the house.

"Er...Mr. and Mrs. Fowl? I just checked up on Artemis, He's fast asleep."

"Oh, good. We were just going to check on him ourselves." Said Angeline.

"Yeah, he forgot his puppy." Said Artemis senior, holding up what looked like nothing more than a pompom with a tongue.

"Actually, he said he wanted me to get him a glass of water..." Said Butler. "I'll bring him the puppy. You two can finish up down here." They nodded and Mr. Fowl reluctantly released the puppy. Then Butler quickly went to the basement to check the surveillance cameras. Nothing had shown up on there accept for a rabbit in the Fowl's garden. After thoroughly checking the rest of the grounds, he grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen and headed upstairs...forgetting the puppy at the bottom.

"Artemis? It's me Butler." He opened the door to see Artemis sitting on the bed with a dazed expression. "Artemis? Are you all right?"

"Yes Butler, there is something you should see though...something you've forgotten. Oh, thank you for the water, although I doubt that will help."

"What's wrong? Just tell me Artemis."

"No, you won't believe me right now. Just have a look at those files." Artemis then started to study different corners of the room. After fixing his eye on a certain spot he said "Butler? Is it coming back now?"

"Bits and pieces of it Artemis...it still all seems so...unreal. How come we didn't remember any of it?"

"We had a mind wipe Butler, Mulch Diggums will explain. Maybe Holly will even join in."

"What?" Asked Butler, but he soon saw what he was talking about as two figures unveiled themselves. They were floating near the ceiling by Artemis's closet. One was a short elf with cropped auburn hair. She was wearing a suit that said L.E.P. on the front, The other was a dwarf who was grinning from ear to ear and was very dirty looking. Butler's jaw dropped as he saw them.

"Hello Fowl." Said Holly. She was smiling too now. Artemis was still thinking and had not yet shown even the slightest bit of emotion at having just remembered a very important part of his life. "Fowl?" Holly asked again.

Silence.

"Artemis," Butler nudge the boy and Artemis looked at Holly and cleared his throat.

"Why did you two revive my memory?"

"Sheesh," Mulch muttered, "You kind of asked me to."

"I know that I asked YOU to do it, but not Holly, how did she figure it out?"

Holly pointed at Mulch and said in a tattle tale voice "He blabbed, that's alright though, We could use an evil child mastermind right about now, apparently there's an undercover group of goblins here, we've detected them but they appear to have protected their exact location by surrounding themselves with a dense fuzzy material of some sort, we're thinking some kind of fur."

"I see," Artemis nodded, "Well, I can't say that I've noticed anything large and fuzzy around here-"

"They wouldn't be large," Holly hurried, "At most they'd weigh in at ten pounds altogether."

"Well, I haven't noticed that either." Artemis said, dismissing the idea, "Do you suppose that they could hide under a sofa or something?"

"That depends, can any of your sofas move around?"

"Probably," Artemis sighed, "But none that I've noticed...I don't suppose you know that its Christmas?"

"What-mas?" Holly asked,

"Its a holiday where I pretend I'm asleep and my parents bustle around the pine tree down stairs and pack it with gifts for me to open in the morning, any one of those gifts could hold the goblins, but we wont find out until tomorrow."

"Artemis...no hello? No how have you been? Artemis, I didn't want them to erase your memory...I tried to stop it."

Artemis looked up. "I know Holly...I wasn't under the mesmer when you suggested they stop, remember?"

"Oh right, how did you...?"

"Holly, do you really think that I want to be mind wiped again? I will not let that information out...ever."

"Oh, that's right." Said Butler who had still been looking through the files. "That's where those contacts came from, and we thought that somebody had bugged you. Hehe."

"Butler!" snapped Artemis, nudging the manservant very hard. For anybody else, this would have been a death sentence, but it was Butler's job to protect Artemis, so he resisted such urges.

"Er...yeah, Those people were our contacts...meaning we contacted them because...because..."

"You used contact lenses? How primitive." Said Holly.

"Well it worked didn't it?" said Artemis. "The same way those primitive sleeping pills worked when I first met you."

Holly pushed that aside. "Fowl, we have bigger fish to fry-"

"Yes, like why is it that there are Goblins running around my house and whether the LEP know what you are doing here." Said Artemis. He knew that Root would not have taken un-mind wiping lightly, He would have probably threatened to fire Holly had she even mentioned it as a joke. And Artemis was also sure that if Root got word of Holly being here, her badge WOULD be destroyed...for good.

"Erm...well you might not want to contact Root... or Foaly for that matter. Neither knew what we were up to when we left them a few hours ago.

"You're sure of this Holly?"

"Positive."

"Odd, I really thought that Foaly would have joined in. But then again, he's probably trying to figure out what makes me 'tick'." Said Artemis, and for a brief second, something like disappointment crossed Artemis's face.

"It wasn't a matter of joining in Artemis, he just didn't know. And trust me, he hasn't even touched those files." Holly lied. In truth, Foaly had searched and re-searched those files at least five hundred times, but he still was having some difficulties. Holly gave Artemis a smile, which was not returned.

_Knock, knock, knock_

They all jumped. "Artemis dear? Are you asleep?"

"No mother." said Artemis rushing to the door and motioning for the others to hide. Holly through the cam foil over her and Mulch. The door opened and there stood Artemis's parents holding what appeared to be a giant wriggling dust bunny.

"Betcha couldn't get to sleep without him." Said his father, handing him the furry object. Then his father patted Artemis on the head and said "Good night Arty, don't let the bed bugs bite."

"Yes Father, Good night." Artemis closed the door and sighed as he walked to his bed, stuffing the puppy into his pillow case.

"Artemis!' said Holly, uncovering herself. "That's no way to treat a...what is that thing?"

"Oh, that thing, is a dog. My father gave it to me as a Christmas present. I haven't a clue as to why. It's probably loaded with parasites. But he looked so sad when I told him I didn't want it that-"

"Wait, you told him that you didn't want it?" Broke in Mulch, who had been pretty much silent the whole time. He had crossed the room and was now petting the puppy who rolled around playfully trying to bite mulch's fingers.

"Yes, well, it is not for profits of any kind so no need to keep the filthy thing."

"MULCH!" shouted Holly, stopping the Dwarf who had just unhinged his jaw , and was bending down to the dog's height.

"But these things don't taste too bad Holly, and Artemis doesn't want it."

"Convict!" Said Holly using a voice that sounded very similar to Root's. The Dwarf re-hinged his jaw and backed away from the puppy. Holly smiled.

"I've been using that trick all week on him.' she explained to Artemis.

Artemis grabbed the puppy and looked at it. It's eyes bulged and his tail began to wiggle. The tongue was still trying to lick frantically. Artemis made a face (unwillingly of course) that showed just how much he thought of the puppy. Then it grabbed on to his silk pajamas and began to tug, Artemis threw it across the room where it landed and began to play with a sock instead.

"Artemis!" said Butler. "You nearly killed your father's Christmas present!"

"Nonsense Butler. Look at him, no harm done...but look at what he did to these pajamas, I shall have to buy some new ones, they don't really make this-"

"Really Fowl, don't you remember what we were just discussing?" asked Holly.

"Yes, of course." said Artemis straightening himself up, but still gazing regretfully at his torn sleeve. "Holly, the puppy..."

"We don't have time for puppies right now Fowl!" She snapped. "Come on, we have to find those Goblins." She was shielded and out of the door before Artemis could say another word. He sighed. "Holly!"

"No use," Said Mulch. "She's already down the stairs. Lets go." Mulch threw the cam foil over himself and was also out of the door. Butler shrugged and they both followed.

"Butler...I think that the Puppy-"

"Enough about the pajamas Artemis, we'll buy you some new ones tomorrow."

"But Butler, it isn't that, it's just, the puppy, when I through him across the room, I

think-"

"The puppy was fine, you saw him."

"Butler, just let me fin-"

"Enough Artemis, we should be keeping an eye out for Goblins."

"Am I your principal or not!?!" Asked Artemis.

"Oh...of course," Said Butler "I'm sorry, I almost forgot-" But he stopped dead in his tracks as he saw who was standing in the hallway.


	2. The LEP and Presents!

Note from the Author: Before you read the next chapter, here is some very important information you need to know. The characters in this story do NOT belong to me, but to Eoin Colfer. Most of the story is mine, but some parts belong to Eoin Colfer. Just thought I should say that since I forgot to mention it in the first chapter...sorry.

**Chapter 2: The LEP and Presents!**

"Awe, isn't this cute. They're playing Faeries and Goblins Arty," It was Artemis's Parents. Artemis put on a very fake smile.

"Yes mother, we're just..." He struggled with the last word. "Playing." Something that Artemis had rarely done in his childhood.

"Well, enjoy." Said his father. "But don't go downstairs....I mean...we're remodeling down there tonight." His Parents both sniggered. "Good one." He heard his mother say. Artemis rolled his eyes. How stupid did they think he was?

"We won't go downstairs." lied Artemis.

"Okay, well goodnight...and Arty?"

"Yes father?"

"Where's Cuddles?"

"Who?"

"Your Puppy?"

Artemis's fake grin disappeared. "I was just about to go get him father." His parents said goodnight once more and went to bed. Artemis sighed with relief.

"Butler, the puppy." He was thankful that Butler remained silent this time. "I think the puppy is holding the goblins."

Butler thought about this for a second. "Yes, the puppy does fit the description doesn't he."

"Yes, and when I threw him across the room, the impact should have caused serious brain damage to a real puppy."

"Artemis! How could you!?! What if the puppy had been real?!?"

"Yes, well he did tear up my paja-"

"I know, I know. Come on. Lets get the puppy and then go find Holly and Mulch."

They returned minutes later holding a suitcase which was squirming impatiently as they walked down the hall. Butler kept on making cooing noises at the bag when ever he thought Artemis wasn't listening. "Oh Artemis," He said at last, "Don't you think you'd ever want a real puppy? I mean, their so cute!"

"Butler, I don't have time for cute, I have time to buy new silk pajamas and that's about as cute as I get."

Butler was about to suggest that Artemis get a kitten when Holly and Mulch came running up to them. "Fowl!" Holly exclaimed, "We've found the goblins! They stuffed themselves inside a pair of underpants that your mother knitted for you, come on!"

Artemis's jaw dropped, "But the puppy," He muttered, "By all accounts it should be the puppy."

"Its not the puppy!" Butler exclaimed jovially, grabbing at the suit case and rescuing the ever happy canine from it's bag. "Now you can keep it!" Butler said shoving it into Artemis's arms.

"No Butler. I can't...uggg....no, get off of me!" he said, utterly disgusted by the puppy who had just managed to lick Artemis's nose. "Butler, take the puppy. I must speak with Holly." He then hurried off to the Christmas tree where he found boxes, wrapping paper and gifts strewn all across the floor. He found Holly sitting in a box of candy.

"Holly! Don't you have some sort of tracking device that you could have used instead?" Holly nodded. "Yes Fowl, but elves aren't accustomed to getting gifts and when they do..." She looked across the room. Her face was flushed with Christmas joy, which made Artemis want to throw up. "Well, I'm sure your parents won't be too disappointed."

"But Holly, I was sure that the puppy was the culprit. Where are the goblins?"

"uh..." Holly scanned the room with her eyes. "Hmmm, must've gotten away when I wasn't looking." Artemis stood in the middle of the room. arms crossed and staring at Holly with disbelief.

"What mud boy!?! You didn't want these gifts anyhow. Oooh...this must be a gift from yourself." Said Holly, holding up silk, fur lined robe.

"Well I wanted that one!" He snatched it from her grasp "Listen, It doesn't make sense, I threw the puppy across the room and it was fine, no damage done!"

"Maybe there was no more damage left to do to the little guy," Holly said, watching as the dog bounced into a box and started barking madly to be let out. For a moment it looked as if Holly was going to help the little thing but she noticed a remaining present instead and grabbed for it. "Hah!" She laughed, ignoring Artemis's urgent expression, "Its titled 'to cuddles from papa', sheesh Artemis, I guess you just don't cut it as a son, do you?" She tore it open and took out a diamond encrusted collar with lace fringe and a little bell. Holly burst into a fit of uncontrolled laughter and than got up and bent over the wiggling box. After a few moments of working over the puppy she heaved him up and held him out for Artemis to see. The circular monster of fluff seemed smaller with the huge fringe of lace around what Artemis took to be either the puppy's neck or waist.

"Holly!" Artemis exclaimed, "I will send you one hundred presents if you just go and get those goblins!" Holly looked at him doubtfully,

"You?" She asked, "Send gifts?" Artemis nodded. "Send them to me?" More nodding. Holly got up and folded her arms, she narrowed her eyes at the pale boy "What kind of presents?"

"Holly! Please, we'll discuss this later!" Artemis shouted.

"Oh no Mud boy! I know you better then that, you don't keep your word unless a contract is signed, still, I expect that you're no cheap skate, so here's the facts..." She gave Artemis such an over powering glare that one couldn't believe that she was half his height. Artemis waited, Holly lectured with a passion and although Artemis was not one to cower he did take a step backwards. Holly opened her mouth "I want a skate board, not a cheap one either, something really nice because I've seen the mud people skate boarding and I bet I could do killer tricks if I just added an explosive of some sort, I also want flip flops, that's right," She said at Artemis's disbelieving face "Flip flops,I don't normally go for the shoes but I like the noise they make, you know, 'flip flop flip flop' heehee, I want a whoopie cushion, to put under Root when ever he chooses to fire me, and a monopoly set, we don't have monopoly down there."

Artemis glared. "Are you finished yet, or should I be writing this down?" He was sure that the elf would've heard the sarcasm, but her eyes seemed to brighten suddenly.

"Do you have a pad of paper? And a pen?" Artemis nearly rolled his eyes as he took out a pen. "oh well," continued Holly, when Artemis did not produce any paper. "You can use your arm."

"My arm? I may have gained a conscience since I've met you, but I haven't sunk as low as you seem to think."

Suddenly captain Holly Short shook her head. "Oh, right. I almost lost it right there. It's the presents. Come on Fowl." Artemis sighed with relief and they walked into the kitchen. "Alright, my helmet is picking up something...it looks like the goblins are right..." they turned a corner and Holly let out a delighted squeal. "Presents!"

Artemis seriously considered groaning at this point. "Captain Short, if you don't start acting like an adult, I will leave you here to sort out the goblins yourself. In fact, I'm not quite sure why you needed my help anyhow. This surely doesn't require an intellect such as mine. A five year old could have sorted this out in ten seconds."

Holly pounced upon the gift wrapped boxes that Mr. and Mrs Fowl had "skillfully" hid under the sink, in the oven and in the trash bin. Artemis wasn't quite sure how he had been expected to look in those places but he did wish that his parents could have hidden them from an LEP officer's helmet. "This'll just be a moment," Holly assured him as she dove into the trash bin. There was a lot of wiggling about and then Holly came up with a Barbie doll in hand, she laughed at Artemis, "It was signed 'to our dear little Arty',"

Artemis actually groaned, "CAPTAIN SHORT!" He said, using the best 'commander root' voice that he could. Holly jumped out of the trash bin and stood straight and tall, her eyes wide and fearful. Then she realized that it hadn't actually been her boss sent to fire her. She glared at Artemis who would have liked very much to mock her 'present' squeal, only, that was below him. "Good," Artemis said, "Now that I have your ATTENTION-" His voice changed back to Root's as Holly's eyes turned towards the oven. Her gaze snapped back to him, he continued. "I would like to tell you that for your undignifyed 'present' frenzy, you have had 25 presents subtracted from our deal."

'What!?!" Holly seemed to be regaining her usual personality. "Fine, but I'm telling you this right now mud boy, that if you don't stop using Root's voice, I shall have to call up Foaly!"

"And why should that scare me?" questioned the youth. "After all, you're the one who was frightened that Foaly might find out-"

"Don't worry about that mudboy." came a voice out of nowhere. "I already have. Go on, this is very entertaining."

Holly turned slightly pale as the voice reverberated off of the walls. Artemis stood still, his face emotionless as usual. "Foaly, don't tell Root!" said Holly as she tried to find where the voice was coming from. "I mean it, I have a feeling that if he finds out now...well, I'll probably be fired before I can even defend myself."

"And what defense would you have?" Said the centaur with a hint of smugness. "I suppose it's all my decision isn't it..."

"Alright Foaly, what's it gonna take?" Holly asked,

"10 of your presents," Foaly said, Artemis slapped his fore head.

"5." Holly retorted

"9"

"6"

"8"

"7"

"Alright then, 7," Foaly said. "But no lower,"

"And you'll keep quiet about this Fowl business?"

They could hear Foaly chuckle, "My lips are sealed only...uh oh,"

"What's going on?" asked Artemis, sensing that something had just gone horribly wrong.

They heard a lot of whispering and shuffling coming from Foaly's end, and then "Nothing Mud boy. just a little computer glitch...that's all. hehe."

Artemis highly doubted that Foaly had a computer "glitch". The people had technology beyond any that humans (other than Artemis) had ever come close to revealing. There had only been one glitch in that system before, and that had been Artemis himself. He had the feeling that Commander Root might've already found out about Holly's absence, but he said nothing to Holly. If he didn't want to have his mind wiped again, he was going to have to play dumb...and that was not easy for a person with the highest IQ in Europe... and possibly the world.

"Okay Holly, so you're looking for the goblins?" asked Foaly, in a somewhat humorous voice.

"Yes," replied Holly. Artemis pretended to jump "Who's there?!?" he questioned.

"It's me Artemis. Who else would be-?"

"How do you know my name?" Artemis dropped his pager on purpose and fumbled to retrieve it. "Stay where you are! I've got security camera's watching nearly every inch of this house! And a body guard that wouldn't think twice before snapping your spine in two." He paged Butler and waited for the Body guard to arrive, trying to think of what else he could say to sound genuinely frightened.

"What the-? Artemis, It's me, Holly Short. This better not be some kind of joke Fowl!" But Artemis's jokes were normally dry and half hearted. She couldn't imagine why he was acting this way unless... "Foaly?" she asked, as a screen appeared in her helmet.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"Is it possible that Fowl has just forgotten about us....due to shock or something?"

The centaur considered this for a moment. "Yeah, it's possible, but with a mind like Fowl's I couldn't see it happening. Still, it's a possibility, why?"

"He doesn't seem to know who I am..." said Holly "do you think he'd mind if I still took some of his presents?"

"You shall be taking nothing!" ordered Artemis. "If you do, I assure you that Butler will track you down!" Butler appeared in the room.

"What is it?" He asked. "What's wrong?"

"Oh Butler!" said Artemis dramatically, which was quite difficult for Artemis was NOT a dramatic person. "We have intruders..." He nudged Butler very slightly to give him the idea. Butler raised his eyebrows and glanced at holly, then he looked back at Artemis.

"Oh...er...right. Well I'll escort her out immediately." He balled his fists, and put on a very nice glare.

"What's going on? Fowl! This isn't like you." Shouted Holly as the manservant grabbed her by the shoulder, almost too carefully for he knew that injuring Holly Short was likely to give you a black eye, even if you were a seven foot man mountain.

"Not like me? I assure you this is quite like me. Butler will show you what happens to people who manage to break into Fowl Manner.

"Wha-? But...Foaly! He knows...he still remembers! He's playing mind games with us! Foaly!"

"Captain SHORT!" came Root's voice in her helmet. Holly would've froze except that she was still being dragged along by Butler. "I...it's...I can explain,"

"Well you better start!" He yelled. "Because if I don't get a good explanation then you're FIRED!"

"But...I...LET ME GO!" She yelled at Butler. He dropped her immediately. Artemis glared at him, trying to get him to pick her up again, to make it seem more real, but Butler simply shrugged and walked back to his principal.

"What's going on Artemis?" he whispered.

"Root's found out about this. if he knows that we've re-remembered, then we'll be getting mind wipes again."

"Are you sure?"

"There's no doubt."

They watched Holly shield herself and open the front door.

Holly was having difficulty explaining. "Er...well, me and...and a friend, were looking for the recently escaped goblins and-"

"What friend?!?" snapped commander Root.

"Does it matter?" asked Holly hopefully.

"Yes it matters! What if I'd found you were doing LEP work, above ground, with a criminal or something?!? Do you know how catastrophic that would be?!? Now tell me!"

"Erm...well don't get mad now, I mean it wasn't really my fault...he insisted on coming."She waited for a few seconds, and when it was plain that this was not a good enough answer for Root she continued. "it was Diggums...Mulch Diggums."

"WHAT!?!" Holly knew that Root's face was growing beyond any shade of color visible to humans, in the ultra violet range. "CAPTAIN SHORT! GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY I SHOULDN'T FIRE YOU RIGHT NOW!"

"But Commander! He was the only one who could break into Fowl's house! He got me permission to go in."

"How?" asked Foaly, sounding amazed.

"He asked Artemis's parents. But don't worry, they thought he was some cute bearded kid singing Christmas carols."

"Short. You're just lucky that that fowl kid doesn't remember who you are!" said Root. Holly was about to come up with another 'clever' explanation but stopped herself. "Of course," She muttered, Realizing what Artemis was up to, and it was lucky that she had said 'of course' instead 'oh no' because Root took this as an answer. "Good," He said, "You're off the hook this time for being careful and not messing around, now what's all this I'm hearing about presents?" A hungriness seemed to have crept into his voice as he said 'presents'.

"Nothing," Holly snapped aggressively, she wasn't going to lose anymore of her presents. "Now please let me continue with the mission, the sooner I get those flip flops- I mean Goblins, the better."


	3. What Foaly wants now

_Note from Authors: Hey, we know we said we'd add the 3rd chapter once we'd gotten 10 reviews, but, we, or rather, one of the "we's" can't wait that long. Also, we thank you for all of the reviews! So here it is! Please read, review, and enjoy. _

**Chapter three: What Foaly wants now...**

Artemis and Butler were picking up the mess in the living room, and the kitchen.

"Really!" scoffed Artemis. "I can't see how Holly can expect any presents from me after what she's done here. Just look at this! How am I going to explain to my parents?"

Butler stopped for a second. He'd never heard Artemis ask "How" so sincerely before. Usually he could come up with a plan before you could even present the problem.

"You mean, you don't have a plan?" He asked.

"Don't get too excited Butler, I'm sure that I'll be able to come up with a suitable answer before dawn."

The manservant raised an eyebrow. He could tell that Artemis was planning even as he spoke. He just hoped that it didn't involve burglars, for that would imply that Butler had not secured the household. He knew that the Fowls wouldn't fire him, but having that on his record would be, with no other way to put it, rather painful.

_Arf! Arf! Arf!_

Artemis peered into the box he'd just picked up. "Oh," He said. "It's Cuddles. Butler would you kindly take this mutt up to the attic? It's the only room that I feel comfortable having the puppy in. I have a feeling that Holly will be back shortly, and I don't want this puppy on the loose if he does turn out to be what the goblins are hiding in. Plus, if this puppy is holding the goblins, then I may be able to collect a suitable sum of money if I hold the puppy hostage." He saw Butler's lip quiver slightly at hearing this, but the man mountain didn't argue. Artemis watched Butler take the puppy upstairs and then looked around. The room was still messy, but there wasn't enough time to clear it all up.

"I am being quiet!" hissed Holly as she tiptoed through the front door. "You're just being paranoid!" She was talking to Foaly, who had managed to get Commander Root to stop listening in.

"Paranoid? No Holly, this is what's called being careful., sheesh, I thought you of all people would understand that!"

It was true, but Holly was slightly distracted by the tempting thoughts of flip flops. She'd have to find out how to stop Artemis from backing out of the present deal. She still had 50 presents left after all (Root had insisted on taking 8 of them.)

"Just tell me where the goblins are," She said. "My tracking devices aren't picking up anything!"

"2 more presents?" Questioned Foaly.

"What!?! Not in a million years! And you won't be getting ANY presents if you ask again." Holly was tempted to leave the helmet in the trash bin as soon as he gave her the location of the culprits, but she resisted. She knew that Foaly was invaluable on this mission. "And Foaly, do you have any idea on how we're going to get Fowl to hand over the gifts? He's supposed to have forgotten about us...I mean he HAS forgotten about us!"

"Of course I have!" snapped Foaly. "I think of everything, remember?" In truth the centaur was racking his brain, but wouldn't admit it. There was silence.

"And...?" Asked Holly, tapping her foot impatiently.

"Erm...I'll tell you in a while. We're on a mission right now. Okay, do you know how to get into the Fowl's attic?"

"THE ATTIC!?! How did the goblins get up there? I've only been gone for five minutes!"

"I don't kno-" Foaly stopped. What had he been about to say!?! He, not know? Impossible! "I mean, they probably just ran really fast."

Holly Groaned.

"shhh!" hissed Foaly.

"Yeah yeah! It's just, well, it's three long flights of stairs up, and I'm not about try flying up there. Not in a house with so many breakable things."

"Okay, but it's gonna take a long time to get up there then. But don't worry, I'm sure that you're short lil' legs can get you up there within...two or three hours."

"WHAT!?!"

"Unless I get two more presents..."

Holly ground her teeth, "What are you talking about Foaly?"

There was a little whistling tunelessly on the other end of the line, Foaly was obviously not giving this one up.

"How can you're solution be worth two presents?" Holly scoffed, "I'll give you one,"

"Two," Foaly urged.

"One,"

"Two,"

"Oh not this again, fine you can have two presents, now what is this almighty solution of yours?"

"There's an elevator just down the hall to your left."

Holly resisted the urge to take off her helmet and smash it into little bits. Two presents for a lousy elevator?!? Oh well, after this she wouldn't ask Foaly for anymore solutions. She could hear Foaly chuckling to himself, "I now have nine presents." He sang annoyingly.

"Well I've still got..." Holly stopped to think, calculating in her head.

"Forty Eight presents," Foaly suggested.

"Yeah," Holly said, "Forty Eight, and you're not getting any of those!"

"Just as well, the elevator is out of order." Foaly gave a whinnying guffaw, "But for three more presents I could have it working just fine."

Holly growled and took off the helmet. "We'll see about that!" and she started off towards the elevator. If Foaly really had lied about the elevator, then he wouldn't get a single present from her. As she turned the corner she bumped into something...someone!

Holly quickly tried to get away, but although the hallway was dark, the person still saw her.

"Stay where you are Holly." Said Artemis. A light suddenly flickered on. "What are you doing back here so soon? I thought that you would have been fired by now."

"Yeah, well I wasn't, no thanks to you! But if you must know, I'm going to the attic. You see, there are some goblins up there that I really must tend to...or have you forgotten THAT as well?"

Foaly sighed, if you put Holly and Artemis in a room together then there was bound to be a fight.

**The Fowl's safe**

Meanwhile Mulch Diggums was carefully heaving a heavy load of treasure out of the Fowl's safe. Mostly gold, but a few wads of cash from different countries. After all, he never knew where he was going to end up.

**The Attic**

"There you go little guy. Now stay put." Said Butler, carefully placing the dog in a box that had been laying up there and giving the puppy a light pat on the head. Actually, the attic was where Mr. and Mrs. Fowl had placed most of the wrapping paper and boxes and ribbons that they hadn't used while wrapping the presents. It was quite a mess up there. Butler wasn't quite sure if this was where Artemis really wanted the Goblin canine. After all, it could easily get lost in the mountains of gift wrapping supplies. But Butler never refused orders unless they interfered with the safety of his principal, or Juliet.

"Bye Cuddles," said Butler, shutting the door and-

_WHAM!_

Something hard came at Butler, hitting him in the arm. He looked down to see an LEP helmet, unbroken.

"What the-?" Suddenly a very angry looking Holly came stomping down the hall. She barely gave Butler a glance as she picked up the Helmet and put it on, talking in a faerie dialect.

"FIVE PRESENTS FOR BACK TALK?" She screeched, she held the helmet to her mouth and yelled into it, "And you're just sitting back and enjoying yourself, aren't you?" There was a positively overjoyed laugh that came through the speaker, it sounded as if Foaly had finally fallen to the floor with happiness. Holly, outraged at his enthusiasm found it in her to be heartless. "Well then, Foaly, That's Five less presents that you're getting."

There was a pause from Foaly's end and then what sounded like sobbing.

"no...Holly, I was just...well, don't do that..." Holly almost felt sorry for him until she realized that his sobs were not those of sorrow, but of entertained delight.

"ARRRGGHHH!" She ripped off the helmet and and again threw it to the floor so that she could stomp mercilessly on top of it. "TAKE THAT YOU FOUR FOOTED, WHINNYING, SORRY EXCUSE FOR AN LEP COMPUTER FREAK!" Shouted holly, lamely. She knew that Foaly couldn't hear her, for his loud guffaws were clearly heard through the helmet's speakers. "Stupid horse!" mumbled Holly.

"Shhhhh!" Holly jumped.Butler was there, looking at her sternly, and pointing at the slightly ajar door. "Be quiet..." he whispered. "The puppy's sleeping." She saw him look thoughtfully into the room where the puppy was and give a slight smile.

"Um...are you okay?" asked Holly.

"Oh! Um...Er...yeah, hehe. Just following orders." Said Butler closing the door and putting on his normal body guard poker face. "Master Artemis told me to put the puppy up here."

"Why up here?" asked Holly looking perplexed, and slightly angry, for Foaly had made sure to make the Fowl's computer controlled elevator, stall several times on the way up.

"Well, I think it's partly because he thinks it won't get into trouble up here, and partly because he found several of his gifts to himself, torn to shreds when we were cleaning up, and I think he's trying to punish the puppy in his own special way."

Holly raised an eyebrow. Leave it to Artemis Fowl, the most intelligent human in Europe (and possibly the world), to come up with the lamest form punishment for dogs.

"Anyhow, I'd better get back downstairs to Artemis. He's probably thinking that I've been playing with the puppy or something." Said Butler, going slightly red, for that's exactly what he'd been doing.

"No need," said Holly. "He's perfectly safe. I locked him in the bathroom downstairs when he tried to hold the Puppy ransom."

"You what?" Said Butler. Tonight couldn't get any weirder. He was suddenly wishing that he'd flown over to America to spend the Holidays with Juliet instead.

"I said I locked him in the bathroom." Said Holly plainly. "Anyhow, I need to get past you so I can find those goblins. My helmet says that they're behind that door."

Butler let her past him. He knew that Artemis would not approve, but lately nothing was going as planned.

**The Bathroom**

Artemis sat on the edge of the sink, glaring at the grungy toilet. Out of all the rooms in the house to put him in, it had to be the bathroom. He just hoped that Butler wouldn't be stupid enough to let Holly get passed him. The bodyguard was taking a very long time up there.

_He's Probably playing with the puppy._ Thought Artemis, feeling slightly disheartened by this thought. If Butler was playing with the puppy then it would take him perhaps half an hour before he found his principal.


	4. Holly and the Puppy

Chapter four

Suddenly there was a sharp knock at the bathroom door. Artemis jumped up, but slipped on a towel that had been lying on the floor and fell face first onto the hard bathroom tiles.

"Artemis? Artemis are you in there?" asked Butler. He almost sounded nervous. Artemis quickly got up to check his reflection in the mirror. His nose was bleeding and his cheek was starting to bruise.

"Yes Butler." He said.

"Oh good," the man servant sighed. "Stand back, I'm going to break down the door."

"What!?!" Luckily Artemis did move as the door came crashing down, but gave the Body gaurd a skeptical look. "Butler? Was that nessacary? You do have a set of keys for every room in this house you know."

Butler stood dumbfounded. "OH MY GOD! Artemis! What did that elf do to you?!?"

"Oh, nothing Butler I-"

"I can't believe that I trusted her with you! Come on, I'm going to show her what happens to people who mess with the Butlers!"

"No, Butler you don't understand. Holly didn't-"

"What do you think I should do to her?" asked Butler enthusiastically. "Hurt her pride, hurt her phisically or both? I'm opting for pride-"

"Butler! Be quiet and listen to me!" and then added "This Christmas is having the oddest effect on everybody..."

"Oh, sorry." Said Butler, straightening up, and staring at Artemis Fowl.

"Okay, here's what happened. Holly locked me in the bathroom, and when you knocked I...well...this happened." He pointed to his face. He wasn't about to admit that he'd slipped on a stupid towel and landed face first on the floor.

"How-?" began the body guard,

"It doesn't matter. Now where did you put Holly? I trust that you didn't let her get passed?" He said to change the subject.

Butler's gaze fell to the floor, guiltily.

Holly frowned. She was in a box staring at...nothing. In fact none of these boxes contained anything at all! Not even goblins. The puppy watched with fascination as Holly tore another decorative bow to shreds out of frustration. What was worse was that Foaly now refused to speak with her, and Mulch Diggums, her "Trust worthy" partner, had disappeared.

"D'arvit!" she muttered, as she carefully stepped out of the box. She then slid down the enormous pile of "Stuff" and sat with the puppy to think a while.

"Where could those goblins be?" she asked Cuddles. His tongue plopped out of his mouth and he gave her something that looked suspiciously like a shrug. Holly wasn't sure if it was normal for puppies to shrug, so she took a step back...just in case. "Well, I suppose not, but then you probably have a good nose. Do you know what a goblin smells like?" she asked in a cutsy voice.

_D'arvit! _She thought, _First Butler and now me! Oh well, he is cute." _She then scratched the dog behind what she suspected were it's ears, and gave it a ribbon to play with.

"I cannot believe you! Of all the things to do Butler, really. Now we get nothing and SHE has the goblins!" Artemis was fuming as he held a towel to his nose, something that was very unusual for him to do.

"Sorry sir." Said Butler obediently. He suspected that calling Artemis "Sir" was probably a smart idea for now. They were climbing up the stairs (The elevator seemed to be out of order) and were approaching the attic. "Just up these stairs sir."

Artemis sighed. "More stairs?" Butler nodded.

"She's in the attic sir."

"I know that Butler. This had better be worth my time." Butler resisted the urge to gulp. Artemis seemed very angry. They climbed the rest of the stairs silently and reached the door. Butler opened it and found Holly peering over the side of a box and...and...

"Damn! She's already got the goblins, Butler, seize her!"

"No," said Butler. "I think that she's...uh...singing to the puppy sir."

Sure enough, Holly was singing something that sounded remarkably like "Rock-a-bye baby". She had not noticed the door open at all.

"Rock-a-bye puppy, la la la la, you are sooo cute, and uh...la la la la. I think that you're the cutest puppy alive-"

"Captain Short!" Artemis said, disgusted by what he was seeing.

"D'arvit!!!" she exclaimed as she turned to see Artemis and Butler staring at her. "Um...I, It's not what it looks like...I mean, Bad puppy! I hate you, you furry little, no good...bad puppy!... I mean dog! I mean thing!" She finished, pointing an accusing finger at Cuddles. Artemis was at a loss for words. He'd written a number of witty come backs for nearly every situation, but he had never expected to be seeing Holly Short, singing lullabies to a puppy!

Butler also seemed to be having the same dilemma, because he kept on opening his mouth and then shutting it again.

_Well, at least Foaly didn't hear me. _Thought Holly, until...

"Guffaw, guffaw, guffaw!" came a noise from her helmet which was lying in a box. It was Foaly. "Who'd have thought," he sang "Captain Holly Short, LEPrecon officer, member of the infamous gang that brought down the B'wa kell, able to escape from the most dangerous mudboy on earth, helper in bringing down Jon Spiro and-"

"FOALY!" Interrupted Holly, turning red. "Stop it!!!" There was more laughing.

"And why would I do that? This is very funny. So funny in fact that I think that the guys would probably love to hear it."

"Fine!" shouted Holly "Ten presents if you keep this quiet!" But Foaly wasn't done yet.

"Hmm, well it's tempting Holly, but the look on Beetroot's face would be priceless..."

"TWENTY!" begged Holly.

"I don't know, I mean the way you treated me earlier was kind of mean..."

"Mean?!?" gasped Holly, "You do it to me all of the time- oh! Fine twenty five!"

She could hear Foaly munching on a carrot as he thought this through.

"Well?" she asked. The munching stopped,

"Well, I also want one present directly from you." He said "And wrapped as well, with plenty of ribbons and bows and stuff."

Holly gritted her teeth. "Okay...do we have a deal?" more munching.

"FOALY! Do we have a deal or not!?!"

"All right Holly, it's a deal. But just remember that I could've asked for all of your presents, but I didn't, meaning that from this day forth you must buy me a gift every Christmas." He said smugly. Holly bit her lip. "Fine Foaly." She sighed.

Artemis and Butler were still just standing there. Fowl was deep in thought. Holly knew that he was trying to work this to his advantage. Butler was so shocked that he didn't even notice the puppy nibbling at his shoes. Holly decided that it would be best to simply ignore them, and went on searching for the goblins. It would've been easier had she just used her helmet, but she decided to turn it off instead. Foaly had caused enough trouble as it was. After fifteen minutes or so, Artemis gave a cough signaling that he wanted to say something.

"What?!?" asked Holly irritably, kicking another box out of her way. Artemis wished that she'd pay attention.

"So, Holly. Have you found the goblins yet?" He asked hopefully. She turned her fiery gaze towards him.

"Does it look like I've found the goblins Fowl?" She asked, through gritted teeth.

"Oh, well in that case Butler and I shall be going to bed...and I'll just take the puppy for now, so he doesn't get in the way."

Holly put her hands on her hips. "Okay, what are you up to?" she asked. "Since when do you go to bed when there are faeries searching through your house, and your parents might find out?"

"Its my parents, Holly," Artemis replied in a bored tone, "If you want them getting suspicious by all means, lets stay up, but if not, then I'm afraid that I will simply have to go to bed. I trust you enough to take care of everything, and remember, no mind wiping while I'm asleep or I won't remember to get your presents."

Holly nearly slapped herself as Artemis left. Of course she'd been meaning to mind wipe him when this was through, but what was she going to do now!?! She quickly retrieved the helmet.

"Foaly!" she said urgently. "Foaly we have a situ- Foaly? Are you there?"

No he wasn't there, and Holly had a suspicious feeling that he was announcing everything to the LEP.

"Darv'it!" she exclaimed. This was going to haunt her for the rest of her life, she just knew it! Oh well, there was no time to lose. She quickly adjusted the helmet and tried to activate the tracking device. After several minutes she was still trying.

"Stupid paranoid donkey." She mumbled, and then threw the helmet to the floor. This had to be the most unprofessional mission she'd ever been on! This also meant that she'd have to search for those damn goblins the old fashion way, by tricking the little beasts. Of course, tricking a goblin isn't the hardest thing to do, but tricking a few, that you can't find, in a big house...She sighed. Maybe Mulch could help her, but where was he? In fact, now that she thought about it, she hadn't seen him since they'd found the presents!

Holly decided that she could track the goblins down without her assistant's help and ran out of the door and to the stairs. She looked at the stairs doubtfully. It would take her ages to get down them. By that time it could already be morning before she caught them.

"Artemis, remind me why we're going to sleep when there are goblins running around the house?" said Butler. Artemis gave a discouraged sigh. "Butler! We have the goblins! They're right here!" he snapped, holding up the puppy, whose eyes were bulging because of how tight Artemis was holding it.

"But Holly said-"Began Butler, looking flustered. "Well, Holly said that she'd found the goblins earlier, you know, when she had her present craze. And we were holding the puppy at the time. I mean, I know I'm not the evil- I mean, criminal mastermind here, but I don't think that the goblins are hiding in the puppy." He finished. Artemis looked at his wits end.

"Butler! Holly was crazed at the time! She didn't see anything! And, we aren't going to sleep for your information. We're going to watch the surveilance cameras! Who knows what Holly could do to the house?!? And, did you just call me evil?" He asked, glaring at the manservant. Butler shrugged, not because he didn't know, but because he wanted to avoid the question.

"Lets get down to the surviellance room then." Said Artemis. They stepped into the elevator and Butler pressed the "Down" button. The elevator ride was silent. And finally they heard the "Ding" sound that announced there arrival at the first floor. Cautiously they crept into the survielance room and searched for holly's whereabouts. Artemis gaped as he saw Holly throw the helmet to the floor and stomp out of the attic.

"Butler!" he said, in what would've been a frantic voice had Artemis been able to show that kind of emotion. "She's not shielded! Why the hell isn't she shielded?!? If my parents find her..."

"Shhh." Said Butler putting a finger to his lips. Artemis returned his attention to the screen, and watched Holly stare down at the long flight of stairs. Then she-

"NOOOO!" cried Artemis, staring in disbelief at the screen.


End file.
